FLAWS

One of my flaws is the ease with which I can withdraw from people and remain ‘hidden’ even when I am there. It takes a lot to make me withdraw but once I am at that point, the withdrawal is quick. And by that I mean, I hate conflict so much that I would rather remove myself from a situation that creates a reason for conflict rather than assert my ‘rights’.

It can come across as cowardice. It isn’t. I don’t just begin withdrawing at the first sight of discomfort. But I don’t have an aggressive manner of voicing my discomfort either. And I suppose the light manner in which I say it makes it come across as something not worth taken seriously, which I think is sad, that we take each other too much for granted and are quick to decide what is important to the next person based on our experiences and ideas rather than really listening to what they say to us and ‘see’ it through their eyes.

Years ago, I wrote a poem titled “Into myself again”. It was written in response to someone suggesting I was shutting myself in for no reason. I had a reason. We talked about it, turned out that I had voiced my discomfort and it was not heeded because I was not ‘aggressive’ or ‘seemed quite bothered’. I didn’t know how to respond to that.

I am not sure what it is about humanity that makes us think it is alright to take people lightly. I don’t mean we should go around as though on egg shells, but isn’t the mere fact that someone voices a concern, reason enough to mind it? Do we really need to get in a ‘mood’ to be taken seriously?

Into myself again was just an echo of what we have become. We are like snails. Little packs of mysteries, carrying our inner demons within our shells and the only glimpse anyone really gets to see of what is inside the shell will either have to be defined by the essence of our operculum or we will have to be crushed and separated from that protection…..or if they heed what we reveal in our delicate ways.

I want to voice my concerns and be heard. It isn’t so for the most part, but I do wonder if it is because I also do not HEAR when concerns are being voiced to me. What goes around comes around after all.